WEIRD THINGS KIDS SAY: 21 of the Strangest Things My Kids Have Said
If you missed it, check out the weird things moms say. But, considering the rave reviews of that article, I thought I would share the weird things that my KIDS say!
The stories, events, and words that my kids come up with is shocking sometimes. Usually their playtime is sweet, innocent, magical, and adorable. However, sometimes, it’s downright weird.
If only I had a record of every strange thing that my kids had said in my few years of being mother. We could laugh for hours.
And, on those days when you aren’t sure whether you can go on –you know somewhere between the 11th time out and the 100th request for a snack—you need some mom humor in your life!
If you are reading this, you can probably relate. Feel free to comment some of the strange things that your kids have said below!!! KEEP IT PG!
1. “At school, we make the sign of the cross with a pickle.”
My daughter goes to school at a Catholic school. Now, full confession (pun), I am not Catholic, so she teaches us a lot about the practices and rituals from school.
She has taught us recitations, parts of the Rosary, and even how to make the sign of the cross. She relishes (see, another pun!) these moments when she is the smartest person in the room.
One day, she took it a little too far and informed me that we needed some pickles.
She explained that we needed pickles because at school, “we make the sign of the cross with a pickle.”
Move over communion cups, here come the pickles!
2. “This pizza is BUTTLESS!”
I’ve said it before, and I am sure that I will say it again. My kids are P-I-C-K-Y eaters.
The day that my kids finally decided that they liked pizza opened up a whole new world for them!
Imagine their surprise when they found out that some restaurants (buffets) will even allow you to eat as much pizza as you can possibly hold in your tiny tummy.
After visiting such a place, my children were proud to announce: “THAT PIZZA IS BUTTLESS!”
You can imagine that I did some head scratching until I realized that what they actually meant was that the pizza was “bottomless!”
I didn’t correct them!
3. “I’m good at eating.”
Food is such a stress point in our house that we have to celebrate the small victories. One day my less picky eater proclaimed: “I’m good at eating.”
Well, crown you and give you a medal. Great job.
4. “I accidentally put Jackson Storm in his booty.”
My kids do strange things like hide items in my clothing and the clothing of their siblings…while they are wearing said clothing.
I am not sure what compels them to do such strange things, but it happens regularly.
Most of the time, we can easily retrieve the lost toy by shaking out a shirt or pant leg.
But, one day when this hiding game got out of hand, one of the kids came up to me to confess that she lost a beloved toy car in the baby’s diaper.
5. “When I jump that makes me fart.”
Oh toilet humor. How my children love it.
The day that they realized that jumping on the trampoline could lead to untrollable flatulence, they were thrilled.
Really. Hours of laughter.
6. “Sometimes when I am at lunch, I see other kids’ buttcracks.”
Thanks for the announcement, kid. That’s gross!
7. “This French Fry has potato in it.”
This statement is quite a strange one when you figure that all French fries (theoretically) have potato in them.
This statement becomes even stranger when I explain to you that my child was NOT eating a French fry but was instead eating an onion ring.
As he nearly vomited across his plate, he was outraged that someone would sneak a vegetable, namely a potato (actually an ONION!), into his meal.
Not a potato, not a French fry, weird either way!
8. “Can we buy spare kisses?”
As we were grocery shopping one day, my kids were complaining about me futily attempting to convince them of the merits of fruits and vegetables.
Apparently one of them had heard about asparagus from a friend at school and was intrigued not quite understanding what “spare kisses” were.
After a little bit of back and forth, we realized that she was asking for asparaguses. When I showed her the asparagus, she stopped asking for them.
I did give her extra kisses though!
9. “Brother loves rocks, so I licked his rock.”
Why won’t you eat asparagus, but you will lick a rock?
10. “Can I use my pennies to buy a van?”
Our family is serious about staying out of debt and on budget. For that reason, we fit all of us in a compact minivan. Our dream is one of these.
As my oldest is getting bigger, his legs are getting more squished. Plus, when we take family road trips, they are all more squished from our stuff.
Finally, he had enough and decided that he was tired about us talking about saving for a new minivan.
So, he volunteered his pennies. It was difficult to explain to him that he would need about 2.5 million pennies to buy the van!
11. Do I have to wear pants?
Yes, you have to wear pants. Always pants. There will never be a day when not wearing pants is an option as long as you live under my roof!
12. “I’m going to bite your belly.”
“I’m going to bite your belly,” my youngest exclaimed running toward me.
Why? Why are you going to bite me, and why are you being so specific.
Kids are weird. Kids say weird things!
13. “I’m twisting my belly button with a crayon.”
One of my children learned about belly buttons. In an attempt to color on herself and reach the interior of her body, she tried to untwist herself with a crayon.
14. “I accidently hit my bum on her head.”
Crying two of my children come to me. Through heaving sobs, I try to determine the root of the tears.
Finally I make out that somehow there was a rear-end/head collision that resulted in a sore bottom and an injured head.
15. “Can I ride the tater tot.”
Pleading from the back of the car on a sunny day, my child whined to please be allowed to ride the tater tot.
I explained that we weren’t having tater tots for dinner and that even if we were, we wouldn’t be playing with them.
She continued to insist that I allow her to ride the tater tot like we did before.
Finally, I realized that the tater tot is in fact, a teeter totter!
16. “I snuggle my eggs.”
While washing, drying, folding, and putting away my 10th load of laundry for the week, my youngest ascended the summit of mount clean clothes.
When he reached the top he plopped down in the middle and announced that he was snuggling his eggs!!
A couple of wrens have a nest on our front porch, and we have been watching the mother wren sit atop the eggs as they prepare to hatch.
The birds apparently gave him an idea!
17. “You are a chicken.”
Toddlers feel emotions very deeply. Sadly, they often lack the maturity and the vocabulary to express those emotions or navigate their feelings.
Toddlers are also highly irrational. So, when I told my toddler that his cup was indeed on the counter where he insisted it was not, he used the most vulgar language he could think of to insult me: “YOU ARE A CHICKEN” he screamed at me over and over.
Of course, he became more enraged as I laughed at him. I’m not sure what he thought he was calling me, but I’m sure that I wouldn’t have approved. Ouch. That hurts.
18. “Leave me alone; I’m singing in the dryer.”
My oldest snuck off one day and hid in the dryer. Keeping a wary eye from a comfortable distance, I could hear a faint melody in the laundry room.
Finally, after a few minutes, I opened the dryer door and asked him to get out.
He told me to go away.
When I asked why he said: “Leave me alone; I’m singing in the dryer.”
Apparently he needed a quiet acoustical venue to practice his debut.
He slammed the door back closed and proceeded to continue singing in the dryer!
19. “Look mom, ROCKS!”
We have already established that my kids LOVE rocks! I really don’t understand the fascination, but they have been known to fill their pockets, their backpacks, their bike baskets, and even their beds with rocks.
One day we were out an outdoor market that was covered with gravel rather than paved.
My sons’ eyes lit up like it was Christmas: “LOOK MOM, ROCKS!” he cried! He thought it was the best place that we had ever visited solely based on the fact that the entire place was covered in rocks.
I made sure to empty his pockets and his shoes before we left!
20. “Look at my shoes; they’re fast!”
My kids have a hierarchy of their favorite shoes. The favorites are always the “fast” shoes.
Each time that they try on a pair of shoes, they must race the length of the house with them before they can declare whether they are fast shoes or not.
If you meet my toddler, it is likely that he will show you his shoes and let you know exactly how fast they are!
21. “Mommy, can I have more money”
It never fails when we walk down the toy aisle that my kids try to convince me that they can have any toy because I have lots of money.
“You have enough dollars, mommy,” they say.
Other times they merely hold out their hands waiting for me to hand them cash.
Who do you think I am??? Your grandparents???
Sure enough…they go ask their grandparents who usually are happy to indulge them!
KIDS SAY WEIRD THINGS!
Kids are weird. They say and do weird things. Things we never teach them.
What are some of the strangest things that your kids have said recently?