I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing, but it’s ok because my kids think I’m funny
Ever feel like the world is turning upside down? Or maybe you are turning upside down while the rest of the world is marching on like nothing is happening.
Are you a mom who feels so completely overwhelmed by the pressure, the choices, the responsibilities, and even the potential futures of little ones that you might just scream?
I get it. You are heard. I see you.
I feel that way…a lot. Right now in fact.
Right now, I feel like the whole world is proceeding on its regular and usual course while I am over here in a sort of air traffic control tower where I am slowly but surely directing a train, a plane, and a barge into the same collision course.
Somehow though, my kids seem to make it all better –all worth it. In some ways, it is only with my children that I can really and truly feel loved, relaxed, and heard.
My kids give me these beautiful glimpses into the way that they see me. Although their perspective is somewhat skewed by lack of experience and extreme bias, I value their opinions above all others.
What they think, and what they say is really the make or break opinion in my life right now.
I ask my daughter whether she likes my outfits. I ask my son what television characters are still cool. And, I get my meal planning ideas from their leftovers.
So, even when the whole world thinks that you are doing it wrong or not well enough, examine instead, what your kids think of you.
What my kids think is what helps me go on.
MY KIDS THINK I’M FUNNY
I can never get jokes right with my coworkers. You, dear readers, might roll your eyes at my punny quips. And, my family might politely giggle when I tell them a story where you must have just have had to be there.
But, that silly song from the Hamilton soundtrack starts rolling in our kitchen on a Saturday morning, and my shoulders start to pop too. My hips start to sway, and my arms go-round.
I start to dance –something I have never done successfully—and throw my head back as I sing along.
I spin my daughter around the dance floor –formerly the kitchen. I toss my son in the air, and I sing into my pretend microphone.
While all my friends in the high school cafeteria would have been mortified, MY KIDS LAUGH.
Not just a little pity laugh. No.
Full belly laughs. Whole-hearted, guttural, gleeful laughter that fills our house with more singing, dancing, and laughter.
No. I can’t dance, and I certainly can’t act, but my kids think I’m funny.
It doesn’t matter whether my moves are smooth or choreographed. What matters to them is that I am having fun and that they are involved.
And, if my kids think I’m funny, then I feel like the funniest mom in the entire world.
MY KIDS THINK I’M A PRINCESS
Are you a mom like me? Forever scouring Pinterest for “mom outfits?” Do you try to make sure that the slightly stained jogging pants and the same white v-neck are still in style?
Or, like me, are you the mom who, in a fleeting attempt to look like you have it together, swipes a bit of color across her cheeks or mascara across your lashes before arriving at the playground?
I never quite get it. I never quite get that simple, perfect, casual, mom look. Instead, my hair is still frizzy, my clothes are wrinkled, and I forever have a spit-stain on my shoulder or thigh. (This, mommy, I am sorry, might be forever something you have to live with.)
I’ve never mastered the messy bun; I’ve never learned to do a smoky eye. And, I haven’t had a manicure since my wedding. (If you are gasping, this post might not be for you!)
Despite all this, my kids think I’m beautiful.
I walked (more like ran) to the car one morning (running late AGAIN) after making sure that each of my children was clean, dressed, and shoed.
As I scrambled into the front seat, after donning my mom uniform of white t-shirt and long skirt (because it was close at hand and didn’t require that I shave my legs), my son immediately blurted out: “You look like a princess, mommy.”
That was all I needed to regain total confidence. That little voice calling from the back seat was everything in that moment.
As my heart melted all the way onto the floor of our little car, it didn’t matter that my shoes were scuffed, that my makeup wasn’t done, or that my clothes were from at least 2 seasons ago.
All that mattered was that the way that my little one saw it, I was the most beautiful, most stylish woman in the world.
Never mind, Princess Kate, I felt like I could rule the world in that moment. I will never be able to turn this blog into a fashion blog, but my kids think I’m a princess. If my kids think I’m a princess, then so do I.
MY KIDS THINK I’M A GENIUS
Like many of you moms, I traded my briefcase for a diaper bag. I traded the high rise for the short commute. Honestly, I even traded the fast lane for the minivan.
While, thanks to God, I’ve had my share of academic successes over my lifetime, I often feel as though I fail at my job every. single. day.
In my line of work the questions come like a pepper of gunfire, and my clients expect me to have a positive solution within moments. At least half the time, I disappoint them.
Lately, it seems like it is way more than half.
My oldest is starting to read, my middle child is learning patterns, and my youngest still can’t pull up his own pants.
So, when my children hear me master their favorite books’ tongue twisters, watch me complete a 100 piece puzzle, or fold yet another load of laundry into a neat uniform stack, they are mystified.
They congratulate me with “good job, mommy.” “You did a great job.” And, “Yeah, You did it!” with all the gusto they can muster.
When it comes to the rest of the world, I have no idea what I am doing, and I feel like a constant disappointment. When it comes to my job, I feel as though I will never catch on, but my kids think I’m a genius.
And, in those few moments, when I am drinking in their praise, I know that I am a genius. They give me the strength and confidence to do whatever it is I need to conquer. With them in my cheering section, I will never have a bad day. Their encouragement tells me that I am not a complete failure.
MY KIDS THINK THAT I AM THE WORLD
I have no idea what I am doing in this parenting thing.
I don’t know whether I should try this method, that book, or the other 10 -step process.
But, when the world is crushing and expecting and looking for more than I have to offer it, I feel like my kids always have my back.
I will never share a spot with Tina Fey, but my kids think I’m funny.
My closet will never be featured on a Netflix miniseries, but my kids think I’m a princess.
I will never be president or have the corner office, but my kids think I’m a genius.
And that’s good enough for me.
SEE YOURSELF THE WAY YOUR KIDS SEE YOU
May you always dance until your children chuckle, may you twirl like you are spinning with a unicorn, and may you hold your head higher than a king.
You, mommy, kiss the boo boos, sing good night songs, and know their deepest fears and happiness.
Mommy, you get the distinct privilege of cherishing the most precious gifts you might ever receive.
So wrap that little gift up with love and warmth and confidence because to that little one, you are the world.