LAW SCHOOL AND MOTHERHOOD
Law school is the absolute worst. In what other type of schooling will you find the sabotaging, the criticism, the absolute hazing that occurs in law school? But, believe it or not, law school prepares you for motherhood!
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Some people will claim to have loved law school.
Don’t trust these people; they might be cyborgs.
Even aside from these crazy students (some of whom are my dear friends!), you enter a new depth of sadism when you start to examine the professors.
Learned men and women who spend the better part of their lives asking questions of students in a way that makes them want to shrink into the woodwork. Then, they stand and clap on your graduation day as though it was all an elaborate prank or hoax! What is happening?
Well…I made it through law school…I even made it through the bar…twice. It was terrible, and it wasn’t pretty, but I made it.
Then, I embarked on a new kind of school: Parenting. Long days, long nights, diapers, and barf were my new reality. Strangely, however, I found that law school had prepared me for so many facets of parenting.
Here’s how law school prepares you to be a mother:
LAW SCHOOL PREPARES YOU FOR TEDIUM.
I have read through hundreds, nay, thousands, of pages of cases wherein judges, in the name of education, drone on and on about the history of the common law. I have been asked to find the one relevant line in a multi-volume case. And, I have even been required to read entire chapters of statutes to make a single conclusion.
I have studied and can recite, the Rule Against Perpetuities.
Don’t know what the Rule Against Perpetuitites is? Do yourself a favor, and DON’T GOOGLE IT.
Therefore, when I am tasked with finding the one relevant detail in my toddler’s rambling explanation of who hit whom, I work through the details. When I have not one, not two, but 11 loads of laundry to sort, wash, dry, and fold, I am not phased.
And, when I must, for the 3,584,219 time read Goodnight Moon, I do it with a smile –glad that my law professors prepared me for this exact moment.
LAW SCHOOL PREPARES YOU FOR INTERROGATION
Moms are notoriously good at sniffing out their children’s untruths.
However, I am a mom who has also completed several course hours of Evidence and Trial Practice. You want to know what we do in those classes?
We practice and perfect the art of asking questions and collecting important information.
“Oh honey, you say that your brother hit you? Could you explain the teeth marks indented on his hand?”
“Your teacher said you obeyed the instructions, huh? Let me show you exhibit A…”
No one can defend my children now (except me!)!
LAW SCHOOL PREPARES YOU FOR ALL THE QUESTIONS
“Why? Why? Why? Why?” My kids’ favorite chorus.
But, in law school you spend every class being asked questions rather than lectured. So, by the time that my kids started asking me questions endlessly, I felt quite comfortable.
But, just like law school, beware the questions. In law school, no one ever knows whether he will be on the question chopping block.
Mommyhood is the same. Have you ever carefully redirected your child’s gaze, shielded your child’s pointing finger, or muffled your child’s remark? The same fear that tore through me in law school when a professor called my name, still riddles my body when my child is about to ask me a question about something new in public!
LAW SCHOOL PREPARES YOU FOR ALL THE READING
Pregnancy books aside, I currently have 3 different apps on my phone alone for all of the newsletters, daily announcements, virtual learning instructions, and menus that my children receive.
Further, I receive weekly packets and daily take-home work. But, that’s just from school.
At my son’s last pediatrician’s wellness check, I had to read through 6 pages of developmental information and answer 8 pages of developmental milestone questions all while I also had to keep my child from licking the floor.
You better believe I see you, arbitration clause. You didn’t make it past me. Not a bit of fine print escapes this mommy.
LIKE LAW SCHOOL, IN PARENTING, YOU DON’T RECEIVE A GRADE UNTIL THE END
Finally, like law school, I NEVER know what or how I am doing. I don’t know the rules, and I don’t know whether I am doing a good job.
One day I think the rule is one thing until I go to class the next day and find out that it changed. THANKS, PENNOYER.
In law school, you study every single day of the semester all for one test at the end with no opportunity for make-up or extra credit.
Parenting is the same. The rules change frequently, and I don’t make them.
One day, the pink boots are the only way I will get you to school, but the next day, you must have the floppy bow.
One day, you are perfectly happy to sit on my lap, while the next day you are too big to be seen kissing your mommy. I work every single day of my life to be the best mommy that I can be, but I won’t be graded until my child is all grown up.
So, maybe you don’t want to be a lawyer. But, you might find that going to law school prepares you for being a mom! Long days, long nights, terrifying teachers, tedious projects, and the constant mystery. Law school and parenting have a lot in common! Thanks, law professors!
Need some more mommy humor in your life? Check this out!