Encouragement for parents adopting after biological children.
Some people think it’s crazy. Some people think I’m crazy. Some people think you are crazy. Some people even say I am crazy! Why am I crazy now? I’m adopting after having children.
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Three kids is more than enough they say, three kids is a handful, they say. Three healthy kids is like winning the lottery, they say. So many people are struggling to have children, and you have three, they say. Why would you want another?, they say. FOUR KIDS?, they say. Why would you want to adopt after having biological children?
The strange thing is that the comments change and morph when they find out that I am an adopting mom. That I am planning to adopt my fourth child. Do you know what that costs?, they say. Do you know how long that takes?, they say. Do you know what a home study does to a family?…do you know what that child has been through?…do you know….
Why I’m Adopting
Well, here we are. Working through our first adoption so that we can have a fourth child. First and foremost, I want to tell you why. I have so many reasons, explanations, excuses for why a fourth and why adoption, but it really boils down to this. I love my child. (See my other posts about adoption, the process, my struggles…)
That’s right. I love my child. As in…present tense; not I will love my child or I will learn to love my child. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I love my little boy or girl just as much as the cherubs asleep in their beds in my own house right now. Yes, this child will likely have been through trauma that no child should ever have to experience but he or she will never not know my love.
My heart has grown in love more than I ever could have known as we have more children. Despite the loss of my free time and checking account, I find that racing small cars, tickling, wrestling, and wiping butts is oddly more fun and exciting than backpacking or chasing $$. My heart has grown in love, but I know that a piece of my heart is still missing.
My Child Is Missing From My Family
In fact, I have always known that my missing piece has not only been grown outside of my body but even outside of my own country.
So, that’s it, in a very simple way, that’s why I’m adopting. Furthermore, that’s why otheres don’t need to have a say in it. Unless your comments are “congratulations” or “how can I be part of the celebration”, transitions, and fundraising, you do not get a say in the matter.
If you are a momma like me –someone who knows that you are uniquely situated to start or grow your family through adoption –then good for you. If you are a momma like me, adopting after biological children, then don’t let the questioning, nagging, or criticizing dissuade you.
If you are an adopting family, run with it and let the whole world know that he or she is a missing piece of your heart. Despite the fact that the child was formed outside of your body or outside of your country he or she certainly has a place in your home and your heart.
Are you an adopting parent looking for more resources on attachment, the process, discipline, or other information? Check here.
Are you an adopting parent looking for more resources for your children or your adopted child? Check these out.