The Christmas tree is up; we have a long list of holiday movies to finish between events. My kids have a running tally of the gifts under the tree. But, our family will still be at least one short for Christmas. After experiencing our first adoption profile rejection, Christmas will feel different this year.
(*I did create a Pinhole Press family board book for our potential match. The link to the board book is an affiliate link from which I may receive a commission if you make a purchase. The point of this article is not to sell you anything, but I legally have to tell you that!)
Waiting for an Adoption Match
Our family is in the long wait for an international adoption match. (To read more about our journey, check this out.)
Sadly, we were rejected for a possible match just as we were getting into the swing of Christmas celebrations. Even though we knew that our odds were long and there was no possibility to be together for Christmas, we still held onto a sliver of hope that maybe it was on the horizon.
I found myself caught between realistic expectations and conviction. I knew that our family was much lower on the waiting list our paperwork having only been approved in the last few months.
But, I still wanted to believe that God’s perfect timing was to make us the exception to the waiting rule.
Due to Covid and its ripple of consequences, our country program is delayed by an extra 2 years even beyond the usual 2 year wait time. Because government offices shut down, there were fewer social workers and emergency personnel to find and intervene in child neglect situations. Add those precious children to Covid’s unprecedented list of casualties.
We knew that our odds were slim for our most recent match rejection. However, I didn’t want to be caught not expecting –not hoping –especially not in the Christmas season.
So, we started on presents. We made a board book all about our family on Pinhole Press. I even crocheted a baby blanket.
We considered making a stocking to add to our family collection.
I was convicted that if this is my baby –my forever child – then I need to be loving that baby now, not when I get the match. So, like most things that I take on, I dove in head first.
A received wise counsel and prayer. “Hold that love with an open hand;” words from a wise friend about waiting to know whether your profile is selected.
Alas, it wasn’t in God’s plans. We will continue to wait.
Adoption Profile Rejection
I return to an empty hand . We weren’t chosen, and I am a little sad this Christmas. I’m a little more aware that our family Christmas jammies are missing a match.
I packed away the blanket and cleared my online cart. The board book and blanket will wait a little longer.
While I take peace knowing that precious baby is going to live with another loving family—a family who has likely waited longer and endured more than one rejection. I’m still missing my baby.
I find myself acutely aware that I am celebrating Christmas with most of my family but without our child. I am buying presents for children who already have too much, and I am loving a child I don’t even know.
We are attending parties, making memories, and eating too much food. Every once in awhile I feel a little guilty.
To the mommy waiting for a match
Waiting for an adoption match is long and emotional and unpredictable. Exposing your heart is bound to result in some scuffs and calluses. However, we will continue to wait and pray and trust and hope.
While we are disappointed, we know that God’s plan is greater.
I don’t have a lesson or interesting point of view. I’m just going to be sad for a little while.
However, if you are a mom waiting for a match, I see you.
Be encouraged.
