An apology to my co-workers while I was pregnant!
Although I am head over heels in love with my children and have been since the moment I knew they were growing in my body, I still believe that pregnancy is awful. I hated being pregnant. Further, I made sure that everyone knew it including my coworkers. So, I am here to make an apology for pregnant-me.
To be fair, I hated being pregnant for good reason. Amid my 7th, 8th, and 9th blood transfusions (read more here), my constant nausea, and debilitating fatigue, I was a train wreck.
I rarely could make sense of things, my follow-through was terrible, and my kids, home, and husband took a back seat to my pillow (or the couch, or the floor, or wherever I could lay down!).
During my pregnancies, however, I continued to work in my office. After a brief stint as a stay-at-home mom, I knew that I was a better mommy when I challenged myself professionally away from my kiddos. (All hail full-time stay-at-home moms!)
Out of some sense of mistaken duty, I worked right up to the couple of days before my due date.
At the time, I honestly believed that I was doing my office—my coworkers—my boss some sort of favor. I believed that my presence in the office was needed, and that I would be missed. However, looking back, I am certain that they would have been glad to see my sorry pregnant butt waddle on out a little earlier for maternity leave!
MY APOLOGY ON BEHALF OF MYSELF AND PREGNANT WOMEN EVERYWHERE
Thus, I am issuing this formal apology to my office, my coworkers, my boss, and my clients on behalf of pregnant-me and difficult pregnant women everywhere!
1. I’m sorry for the sound of retching coming from my office.
To all of my coworkers who shared a wall or even a hallway with me. I apologize for the sound of me putting calls on hold, vomiting into my trash can, and then resuming my calls. Further, I am sorry that you had to not only hear that sound, and likely smell that smell, but that you had to hear and smell it for the better part of 8 months day in and day out.
You are saints for not mentioning it, for not avoiding me entirely, and for not requiring that I move my office permanently into another building.
2. I’m sorry for sabotaging the automatic air freshener and hiding the scented candles.
During my first pregnancy, both my office assistant and I were pregnant at the same time. Mere weeks apart, we often complemented each other’s vomiting episodes and would even cover for each other’s strange food habits!
However, we did collaborate to perform a few acts of heinous sabotage. Our office was outfitted with candles, scented plug ins, and even an automatic air freshener. The mix and constancy of the smells drove our heightened olfactory sense nuts and made us even sicker than we already were.
Initially we just started unplugging the plug-ins and blowing out the candles. But, they were returned and relit. We resorted to absconding with the candles and even removing the plugins.
The office manager retaliated with an automatic air freshener that would spew scent every 30 minutes.
So, we emptied it. No more smells. We won for a short while.
Sorry…but not too sorry for that.
3. I’m sorry for eating all of the snacks.
You know that empty breakroom snack cabinet, the vanished office donuts, or the mysteriously missing catering box? It was me.
It was all me. My pregnant-self had a hard enough time finding things to eat that when something would stay down, I ate all of it…oops there went the office peanut butter crackers.
Sorry if you went to the cabinet hoping to retrieve a late-afternoon snack and all you found was an empty shelf. Sorry if you brought in treats for the office and found that most of them were gone. And, I am sorry if you then had to again hear me retching in my office.
4. I’m sorry for hogging the bathroom.
Babies do a number on bladders. You may have just seen me in my office but when you went back to ask me a question: gone. Back to the bathroom.
It seems that no matter how much I do or do not drink, pregnant-me has to use the bathroom every hour or sometimes every 15 minutes. I apologize if I single-handedly created a wait in the company bathroom!
5. I’m sorry for the waddling.
As I grew, I waddled. As my baby grew heavier, I waddled slowly. Yet, my office coworkers, even when rushing to court, still walked with me. They opened doors; they held my stuff, and they waited patiently while I took yet another bathroom break.
Unlike Owen Wilson who told Jackie Chan: “I’m not going to walk with you if you are going to walk like that.” My coworkers might have laughed, but they still walked with me.
In fact, some of them even invited me to sit during hearings or suggested that they run errands, drop off pleadings, or even run to my car for me. Thank you, and I’m sorry!
6. I’m sorry that you had to see the same maternity clothes every week.
For the first few months of pregnancy, I could use all of those cute little pregnancy hacks to make my regular clothes still fit. I used little belts to hold my shirt closed, I stretched my pants with rubber bands, and I wore my belly band regularly.
However, in the latter months of my pregnancies, even my maternity clothes couldn’t keep up. I resorted to the same single pair of pants and the same dress with maternity leggings nearly everyday. (I wish that this feature existed when I was looking for inexpensive maternity clothing.)
Now, remember, as an attorney, I am generally required to wear a suit to court. However, when 8-9 month pregnant-me waddles into a courtroom in a giant baggy dress and leggings with my feet swollen and spilling out the sides of my flats, I dare you to ask me to go put on a suit!
Office: I’m sorry that you had to see that!
7. I’m sorry for all of the things that I said that didn’t make sense or that I shortly thereafter contradicted.
Pregnancy brain is real, y’all. Basic information would suddenly become foggy. Legal principals that I knew and used regularly, eluded me. And, even names of clients would evade me.
What’s worse, is that I would not only forget some of those basic pieces of information but I would even contradict them. Thank you, dear coworkers, for knowing what I was trying to say rather than listening to the crazy babble spewing from my mouth.
And, to my coworkers, colleagues, and clients: I’m sorry for sometimes forgetting the beginning of the sentence before I got to the end.
8. I’m sorry for being sensitive, crying, or getting angry for no real reason!
Pregnancy mood swings…am I right? Crying for no reason. Having the strangest thing hurt my feelings, or even, getting overly angry about someone else’s mistake.
Pregnancy can make you feel things in a much more profound way.
So sorry that you had to experience that!
THANK YOU TO COWORKERS OF PREGNANT WOMEN EVERYWHERE!
Wow, coworkers of pregnant people have to put up with a lot! Working in an office, day in and day out, with the same moody, irritable, sick, and unpredictable fat pregnant woman can be a mixed bag. Never know what you might get! Never know when the bomb might go off.
Bless you for being patient with me, for encouraging me in my work, and for not mentioning the fat ankles. Thank you for the beautiful shower gifts despite me sabotaging the air freshener. Thank you for the flowers and thoughtful cards, despite the sound of retching coming from my office.
Coworkers who deal with moody pregnant people are saints. Hopefully the onslaught of baby pictures will make amends! If not, hopefully this apology will at least make you laugh at pregnant me!
And, if I haven’t said it already, I’m sorry!
For more mom humor, check this out!
